Mary has been active in the BDSM and fetish scene
since 2017. This was preceded by long years of doubt
and uncertainty because she discovered her preferenc-
es in early childhood.
Her motivation: No one should have to go through this
phase of doubt – this «struggle». That’s why, since the
beginning of 2023, Mary has been sharing her knowledge
and personal experiences about fetishes and BDSM on
Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. For a kink-positive life
and togetherness.
@mary_ellxn
Latex: Between privacy and public
«Is a latex catsuit also considered a ‚garment‘?»
a friend of mine asked jokingly in our chat group.
We plan to go to a sauna with a few friends and also want to take clothes for the textile sauna with us to be on the safe side. I have often noticed that it is a common desire in our community to take a sauna in latex, then swim in the pool or walk on the beach. At
Pleasure Bay, of course, this is possible without any problems because there you have a
complete hotel in Crete to yourself — but if you’re not there, living out such wishes in a
public space presents us with some difficulties:
The balance between personal freedom and consideration for the public is complex — a topic
that goes far beyond the sauna visit. What are the limits? Are we forcing our sexuality on people? And how much does the public simply have to be able to put up with?
From a legal point of view, latex is usually unproblematic as long as no explicit sexual acts
take place. For a visit to the sauna or pool, it is sufficient to observe the house rules. But even
without legal consequences, the question of social acceptance and consensus remains.
A principle of the community is that nothing can take place without consent. The consequence is that, in principle, all people within visual distance would have to be asked for consent.
This is particularly relevant for people who, for example, could witness a latex photo shoot or a
session in public space. If you want to be completely on the safe side, you should do so without exception because even if something is in accordance with the law or house rules, ensuring consent is, of course, right.
However, I think there are a few cases that allow a deviation from this principle with discretion.
To look at these cases, please imagine that a latex photo shoot in heavy rubber, including a
mask, is taking place. There may be a strong fetish reference here, but no concrete sexual
acts take place. The only difference is the location of the shoot:
A: The photo shoot takes place in a moving
subway (including uninvolved passengers).
B: The photo shoot will take place in front of
Cologne Cathedral.
C: Innocent bystanders will see the photo later
on Instagram (regardless of where it was taken).
These three situations differ in several crucial
aspects:
How long are bystanders exposed to the situation?
In case C, viewers on Instagram have full control over the duration of the exposure – a swipe is
enough to skip the image. In case B, in front of Cologne Cathedral, the duration depends on the length of time passers-by stay, i.e., usually only a few minutes. The situation is different in case A:
Here, the bystanders are in a moving subway, where they could be exposed to the situation for
the entire duration of the journey, without the ability to simply get off.
How easily can bystanders escape the situation?
In case C, the possibility of escape is greatest: With one click, the image can be skipped or the
account blocked. In case B, leaving the situation is a bit more time-consuming, but still possible
— after all, it is a large, open place where you can turn away or move on. Case A is the most
problematic here: in the cramped environment of a subway, it is hardly possible to avoid the
situation, and getting off is associated with a loss of time and comfort.
How close are the bystanders?
In case C, there is no physical contact at all: the photos are consumed digitally, and everyone
remains in their own space. In case B, the distance can be greater or smaller, depending
on where the passers-by are — no one is forced to stay directly nearby. In case A, on the other
hand, the people are directly and physically close to the action, which makes the situation
particularly intense and potentially unpleasant.
How sexual is the situation?
Even if no specific sexual acts take place, the perception of the extent of sexuality depends on the feelings of the individual person. And these feelings are legitimate. In my opinion, the more
cramped, the longer and the more difficult the possibility of escape, the lower the threshold is
for what can be perceived as sexual, since the confined space and the lack of escape increase
the intensity of the situation.
For me personally, the longer people would be exposed to me, the harder it is to escape the
situation, the closer innocent bystanders are and the more sexual the staging seems, the clearer it is to me that I would not take the risk of violating the privacy and consent of others.
Maybe you‘re wondering how I came up with the example of the photo shoot in a moving subway?
Such shoots have actually happened before — for example in Berlin, a city known for its
openness. But this is exactly where the question arises for me: Is this too intrusive? The choice of location, including regional or cultural nuances, is crucial — and this applies not only to latex, but also to other forms of expression such as shibari.
For me, it is crucial that the balance between personal expression and consideration for
bystanders is maintained. That‘s exactly why I deliberately chose places for my non-sexual
bondage shoots that were publicly visible and frequented, but where no other people lingered
for long. The reactions of bystanders have so far been, if at all, relaxed, curious or interested. I
think this can be transferred to latex. Because whether it‘s a latex catsuit in the sauna
or a photo shoot in the subway — the question remains: How much can we expect from the
public, and how much responsibility do we bear ourselves? In the end, we would opt for a
latex-coated swimsuit when visiting the sauna.
Why? Because compromises are sometimes not so bad. They can also open doors — to more
understanding, respect and a more tolerant society. Of course, there are challenges: misunder-
standings or unintentional line crossing can happen. But it can also result in opportunities
— such as an interested exchange or even a curious conversation with strangers.
To be honest, I still like to think back to those conversations with strangers about latex or
shibari. I am curious about our experience in the sauna. Who knows, maybe we will meet
someone who is interested in latex but inexperienced, and can thus provide their first
contact with the community.
What are your experiences, and what do you think? Feel free to leave us your comment on
the Marquis Magazine website.
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